I don’t think them insisting she stay is about priding themselves on her school. Getting into a competitive university is seriously competitive these days. My uncles wife is a privately employed college admission consultant. She meets with students starting sophomore year and helps them make the right choices and choose the right topics/ extra curricular etc to get into a good school. She makes $30,000/year per student for this.
The “school is like a job” is really what threw me. She’s a teenager so social development is crucial right now. Plus, high school years are precious, you never get those chances/experiences again. Parents are terrible.
Seriously. Her child's "job" is to develop into an emotionally healthy adult, not to perform to some academic standard. Her child's not being given any of the tools to succeed in this environment; if she doesn't have friends and doesn't know how to develop social connections, that could harm her career trajectory much more than graduating from a "lesser" school.
She can't apologize on her dad's behalf and she didn't stop the behaviour when it started. Her apologies for not sticking up for him now are quickly turning out to just be words based on the fact that she's not validating her husband and just yelling at him for bringing it up now.
Your husband put you in a terrible position and no one would blame you for this being a step too far. The child is a living reminder of his affair and betrayal of you. NTA.
Sounds like she's addicted to the baby phase and doesn't like older kids - she reminds me a little bit of Michelle Duggar, who was also addicted to the baby phase and kept pawning her toddlers off on her older kids. That's heartbreaking. NTA.
Your husband will always feel like he can manage your worldview or withhold information if it gets him something he wants. I don't respect that personally; I think it's hugely disrespectful to you as his spouse to withhold something like that. NTA.
Maybe if I mention that he would need to contribute to utilities he will change his mind. If he just moves in my bills will be higher especially for garbage that is paid per person
NTA. This is an abusive environment and you need to tell people (specifically mandated reporters; doctors, teachers, therapists, school counsellors) you're being deprived of food.
Your husband is an idiot. Shelters exist too; you don't have to source from breeders. It's going to be so traumatic for your kids if the pups end up dying because they were too young to be removed. Check out Kitten Lady on youtube - she has a lot of advice on how to bottle- and dropper-feed little puppies and kittens; they need to be kept really warm because they can't thermoregulate at that age. At best you are looking at behavioural problems because they weren't adequately socialized with their mother; these puppies really should be returned. Don't tolerate the non-answers from your husband; you know he's going to manipulate you already. Just take them to the vet and seek advice.
I disagree with the “he’ll never be a son to you” comment. I have many people that I consider parental figures in my life. Godparents, real mom and dad, mom’s ex I got close with, etc and a year of knowing them was enough time for them to fully include me in their lives. Well for most it was when I was a baby and for godparents mentioned (my actual godparents are just godparents not parents but the ones mentioned are my twin’s godparents) it was when I was 13-14(can’t remember which age it was but I think 13 idk) and for mom’s ex I was maybe 8 or younger than that, but when I met them, they made me their child. I am who I am because of them. There is a possibility, however small, that she’ll become a parent to him in his heart.
I think he will never consider this woman his mother because of her massive entitlement, overreach, and disciplinary parenting without being a parent, not that it's impossible for stepkids to consider their kids parents.
That is how he phrased it to me just yesterday, as self medicating. It seemed weirdly that he was proud of this? Like it proved a point somehow about how miserable he is, which: I KNOW DUDE WTF. I do care that he doesn't care, but it really just hits on the old wounds where my parents didn't love me and I believed I was unlovable and I probably deserve that. He will always say my kids are not living with abuse (they absolutely are not, he would never hit them or say anything bad to or about them in any way) so it's all good, basically. I have girls and don't want to show them to expect this and be ok with it. I also wouldn't want my sons or daughters to learn that you get a pass to implode your family and life when things suck.
Why is he happy to self-medicate with weed but not be legitimately medicated with antidepressants? Why does he have to DIY this ineffectively without medical supervision?
He is on an antidepressant but it's not like his brain is not doing a thing, it's that he feels terrible about being disabled and needs actual therapy, not just meds! He needs therapy way more than weed!
I think you should tell him that you can't keep living like this and he needs to go to therapy because it's emotionally unsustainable for you to be his outlet for his negative feelings all the time. But there's a chance he won't respect that. Has he ever been to a support group?
You kinda suck because you think relationship disagreements are about siding with or against you because of "loyalty" rather than your partner having a different opinion than you. Also I think you're really mean to your friends and partner - either you're interested in cultivating these relationships openly and growing with them or you're not and want to be surrounded with only your opinion. Your name-calling isn't okay and your slut-shaming isn't either. Apologize to your people or lose them.
Your child is fine; kids internalize a very strange world every day whose rules they need to figure out for themselves or be informed about. This is not a confusing thing for children; kids are perfectly able to understand new information and integrate it into their worldview because it's what they have to do with all the new information they learn. It's probably more complicated to explain why we pay taxes to an 8 year old than it is to explain that queer people exist. Your wife is a bigot. NTA.
Yeah I’ve always felt like that but never been able to put it into words. Thank you. I have walked away from them and left them with a few choice words as well lol
I think maybe your life would be easier and better if you were no contact with your family, who abused and neglected you and dismissed the fact that you were abused and neglected by them. They don't bring you joy or happiness. You don't owe them anything. Find new family, make new community. <3
YTA. It's not fair for her to miss out on important life experiences with her bio sisters just because your step-kids aren't being given the same opportunity. If there's actual safety/viability concerns, then address those. To tell her that she just can't go without trying to figure out if there's solutions is cruel.
Yeah, lying about "going to store" and bailing completely thus leaving husband alone to deal with everything and everyone is not the best solution, even while he deserves that the OP could just said "fine, I am going home and you deal with this if you are not willing to make it work for everyone" or something :)
He would have made her the villain though to his family. This way he looks inept and they all feel embarrassed and angry with husband, which I think is the point because he invited them.
They are chasing the cat out of the house because "I am allergic" they are not...the cats have been everywhere and never seen a single sign of an allergic reaction.
Some these medications may cause seizures and psychosis during withdrawal. Depending on medication this is may be closer to intentionally smashing a diabetic's insulin.
Notably though, his medications were destroyed once they had landed. If he had had to seek medical care, he would have been able to do so. If OP had had a bad reaction in midair, she could have died without medical access.
Think about what would have happened if you were allergic to HIS medicine. You could have died here. Even if not allergic, the medicine to body ratio and the fact you felt so out of it means he almost OD'ed you. OMG, this is scary behavior on both their parts. Please contact an authority and, a doctor to make sure you are OK.
Stepdad has tolerance and body weight on OP. His drugs at his dosage could have killed OP, and he decided to administer it to her before getting on a flight; if she'd had a reaction in midair, she could have died.
I have absolutely no respect for the toad you married. Kudos to you though for getting out.
I don’t think them insisting she stay is about priding themselves on her school. Getting into a competitive university is seriously competitive these days. My uncles wife is a privately employed college admission consultant. She meets with students starting sophomore year and helps them make the right choices and choose the right topics/ extra curricular etc to get into a good school. She makes $30,000/year per student for this.
She's going to give her kid a burn out, an eating disorder, or an attempt because she refuses to listen or care about her mental health.
The “school is like a job” is really what threw me. She’s a teenager so social development is crucial right now. Plus, high school years are precious, you never get those chances/experiences again. Parents are terrible.
Seriously. Her child's "job" is to develop into an emotionally healthy adult, not to perform to some academic standard. Her child's not being given any of the tools to succeed in this environment; if she doesn't have friends and doesn't know how to develop social connections, that could harm her career trajectory much more than graduating from a "lesser" school.
Can you get a bidet attachment for your toilet and insist he use it every time he poops?
I think she may have just been really confused and elderly. This doesn't sound like a normal conversation.
[удалено]
She can't apologize on her dad's behalf and she didn't stop the behaviour when it started. Her apologies for not sticking up for him now are quickly turning out to just be words based on the fact that she's not validating her husband and just yelling at him for bringing it up now.
Ok, so there's two problems: you didn't defend him initially AND you minimize it, disregard it and blow up whenever he mentions it now.
Your husband put you in a terrible position and no one would blame you for this being a step too far. The child is a living reminder of his affair and betrayal of you. NTA.
Sounds like she's addicted to the baby phase and doesn't like older kids - she reminds me a little bit of Michelle Duggar, who was also addicted to the baby phase and kept pawning her toddlers off on her older kids. That's heartbreaking. NTA.
INFO: Does he generally have problems with empathy?
Your husband will always feel like he can manage your worldview or withhold information if it gets him something he wants. I don't respect that personally; I think it's hugely disrespectful to you as his spouse to withhold something like that. NTA.
Maybe if I mention that he would need to contribute to utilities he will change his mind. If he just moves in my bills will be higher especially for garbage that is paid per person
This dude is a hobosexual
Doesn't it make OP the hobosexual? OP is the one sexually attracted to this hobo.
Be aware that if he moves in with you, it will be absolutely such a pain to evict him if/when you break up because he'll have tenancy rights.
NTA. This is an abusive environment and you need to tell people (specifically mandated reporters; doctors, teachers, therapists, school counsellors) you're being deprived of food.
Your husband is an idiot. Shelters exist too; you don't have to source from breeders. It's going to be so traumatic for your kids if the pups end up dying because they were too young to be removed. Check out Kitten Lady on youtube - she has a lot of advice on how to bottle- and dropper-feed little puppies and kittens; they need to be kept really warm because they can't thermoregulate at that age. At best you are looking at behavioural problems because they weren't adequately socialized with their mother; these puppies really should be returned. Don't tolerate the non-answers from your husband; you know he's going to manipulate you already. Just take them to the vet and seek advice.
I disagree with the “he’ll never be a son to you” comment. I have many people that I consider parental figures in my life. Godparents, real mom and dad, mom’s ex I got close with, etc and a year of knowing them was enough time for them to fully include me in their lives. Well for most it was when I was a baby and for godparents mentioned (my actual godparents are just godparents not parents but the ones mentioned are my twin’s godparents) it was when I was 13-14(can’t remember which age it was but I think 13 idk) and for mom’s ex I was maybe 8 or younger than that, but when I met them, they made me their child. I am who I am because of them. There is a possibility, however small, that she’ll become a parent to him in his heart.
I think he will never consider this woman his mother because of her massive entitlement, overreach, and disciplinary parenting without being a parent, not that it's impossible for stepkids to consider their kids parents.
YTA, you have no business parenting or disciplining your stepchildren if the bioparents explicitly don't want you to do that.
Good question. I was in love with her I guess!
In my experience, love is not a feeling; it's an action verb. And the way she's acting really shows that she doesn't love you.
NTA, your mom can't be trusted.
That is how he phrased it to me just yesterday, as self medicating. It seemed weirdly that he was proud of this? Like it proved a point somehow about how miserable he is, which: I KNOW DUDE WTF. I do care that he doesn't care, but it really just hits on the old wounds where my parents didn't love me and I believed I was unlovable and I probably deserve that. He will always say my kids are not living with abuse (they absolutely are not, he would never hit them or say anything bad to or about them in any way) so it's all good, basically. I have girls and don't want to show them to expect this and be ok with it. I also wouldn't want my sons or daughters to learn that you get a pass to implode your family and life when things suck.
Why is he happy to self-medicate with weed but not be legitimately medicated with antidepressants? Why does he have to DIY this ineffectively without medical supervision?
He is on an antidepressant but it's not like his brain is not doing a thing, it's that he feels terrible about being disabled and needs actual therapy, not just meds! He needs therapy way more than weed!
I think you should tell him that you can't keep living like this and he needs to go to therapy because it's emotionally unsustainable for you to be his outlet for his negative feelings all the time. But there's a chance he won't respect that. Has he ever been to a support group?
You kinda suck because you think relationship disagreements are about siding with or against you because of "loyalty" rather than your partner having a different opinion than you. Also I think you're really mean to your friends and partner - either you're interested in cultivating these relationships openly and growing with them or you're not and want to be surrounded with only your opinion. Your name-calling isn't okay and your slut-shaming isn't either. Apologize to your people or lose them.
Your child is fine; kids internalize a very strange world every day whose rules they need to figure out for themselves or be informed about. This is not a confusing thing for children; kids are perfectly able to understand new information and integrate it into their worldview because it's what they have to do with all the new information they learn. It's probably more complicated to explain why we pay taxes to an 8 year old than it is to explain that queer people exist. Your wife is a bigot. NTA.
Yeah I’ve always felt like that but never been able to put it into words. Thank you. I have walked away from them and left them with a few choice words as well lol
I think maybe your life would be easier and better if you were no contact with your family, who abused and neglected you and dismissed the fact that you were abused and neglected by them. They don't bring you joy or happiness. You don't owe them anything. Find new family, make new community. <3
NTA, she can't be trusted and she lied about it. Make her pay for the vet too.
YTA. It's not fair for her to miss out on important life experiences with her bio sisters just because your step-kids aren't being given the same opportunity. If there's actual safety/viability concerns, then address those. To tell her that she just can't go without trying to figure out if there's solutions is cruel.
INFO: How does an 18 year old have access to that kind of money to blow on a vacation?
Wow this is a mess. Just extricate yourself - there was no saving this three posts and eight problems ago, but the hole just keeps getting deeper.
Yeah, lying about "going to store" and bailing completely thus leaving husband alone to deal with everything and everyone is not the best solution, even while he deserves that the OP could just said "fine, I am going home and you deal with this if you are not willing to make it work for everyone" or something :)
He would have made her the villain though to his family. This way he looks inept and they all feel embarrassed and angry with husband, which I think is the point because he invited them.
They are chasing the cat out of the house because "I am allergic" they are not...the cats have been everywhere and never seen a single sign of an allergic reaction.
INFO: How does chasing the cat out of the house help with allergies? The house is already filled with fur and dander.
INFO: What the actual fuck is wrong with your girlfriend's friends? Do they come over to hang with your girlfriend or torture your cat?
Some these medications may cause seizures and psychosis during withdrawal. Depending on medication this is may be closer to intentionally smashing a diabetic's insulin.
Notably though, his medications were destroyed once they had landed. If he had had to seek medical care, he would have been able to do so. If OP had had a bad reaction in midair, she could have died without medical access.
Think about what would have happened if you were allergic to HIS medicine. You could have died here. Even if not allergic, the medicine to body ratio and the fact you felt so out of it means he almost OD'ed you. OMG, this is scary behavior on both their parts. Please contact an authority and, a doctor to make sure you are OK.
Stepdad has tolerance and body weight on OP. His drugs at his dosage could have killed OP, and he decided to administer it to her before getting on a flight; if she'd had a reaction in midair, she could have died.