Is there an ethnically difference between you and your neighbors? Sometime in one culture it’s appropriate to give invitations … to everyone and in the invitation givers culture the recipients just know not to actually come over.
Yes, the kids are what I need to focus on now. I love being a mom and, quite frankly, I'm good at it. So that should see me through for awhile. And I'll build on myself in the meantime. But it's hard to realize you have to find a way to sort of create a patchwork support for the parts that a normal partner would provide. I still want to be happy and I'm willing to sacrifice a lot, but like ... I need certain shit 😂
I get something similar, a comment deliberately placed to make sure I don’t try anything vaguely intimate. Every day, pretty much without fail, I get one or more of; oooh my shoulders hurt / I’ve had a headache all day / I’m soo tired I must have slept so badly last night / I’m so stressed I need an early night / my IBS is playing up / I feel so bloated today / I’m so achy all over… There are many more, all comments made around teatime after I finish work, and clearly designed to set out her stall for the evening. I barely notice any more, and if she did try to get intimate I’d be suspicious of her intentions…
The more stories I read, the more dismal my view of humanity, and in particular, this standard of monogamy, becomes. If one’s libido drops like a stone and the other’s keeps skyrocketing, I’m becoming more and more convinced that lifetime monogamy isn’t natural and is actually quite cruel. And I am resistant to this viewpoint due to my personal upbringing and beliefs.
Based on what you’ve written here and in your main post, there are several things going on… but you can’t “fix it”… he also has to want to fix it. We don’t need to even address who’s ’fault’ this is…. Because actually it doesn’t matter. If this marriage is going to work, you both have to put in the effort and potentially address deep seated uncomfortable topics.
I haven’t fixed my marriage- but I have come to terms with the fact that intimacy is a coming together. Which inherently requires some amount of separation.
Is there an ethnically difference between you and your neighbors? Sometime in one culture it’s appropriate to give invitations … to everyone and in the invitation givers culture the recipients just know not to actually come over.
If it had always been that way? Then our male ancestors would have murdered their male rivals post coitally- until sex became a secret event.
It’s so cozy it HURTS!
Proud little babies standing tall!
Yes, the kids are what I need to focus on now. I love being a mom and, quite frankly, I'm good at it. So that should see me through for awhile. And I'll build on myself in the meantime. But it's hard to realize you have to find a way to sort of create a patchwork support for the parts that a normal partner would provide. I still want to be happy and I'm willing to sacrifice a lot, but like ... I need certain shit 😂
You aren’t alone 💜
I could use this too!
And then..?
He may be testing the waters... How much he will get aroused by touching you. It's all about them, not you... He's slow cooking himself.
Ok this has been going on for weeks- and you are 100% right, he’s slow cooking himself.
Yeah... I understand.
Good luck to you as well
If lunch and morning aren’t working… how about dinner or before bed?
I get something similar, a comment deliberately placed to make sure I don’t try anything vaguely intimate. Every day, pretty much without fail, I get one or more of; oooh my shoulders hurt / I’ve had a headache all day / I’m soo tired I must have slept so badly last night / I’m so stressed I need an early night / my IBS is playing up / I feel so bloated today / I’m so achy all over… There are many more, all comments made around teatime after I finish work, and clearly designed to set out her stall for the evening. I barely notice any more, and if she did try to get intimate I’d be suspicious of her intentions…
Yes the pre- rejection My husband does it constantly.
She could Talk to her dr about a Low dose SSRI to take the edge off?
Let it go man. We’re they happy in that moment? Will they be happy again eating the leftovers? That’s what matters.
He was cast so perfectly for that role
A ‘day’ is any 24 hour period. Your ‘do over can start …… right….now I mean ….now Now 😁
No guy friends is a big red flag for very substantial relationship problems in the long term
Frozen blueberries too!
You cheerily describe my nightmares.
Btw: 3x/week lowers your lifetime risk of prostate cancer iirc
I firmly believe that estimate is confounded by variance in libido and testosterone.
I, and other random internet people, support you
The more stories I read, the more dismal my view of humanity, and in particular, this standard of monogamy, becomes. If one’s libido drops like a stone and the other’s keeps skyrocketing, I’m becoming more and more convinced that lifetime monogamy isn’t natural and is actually quite cruel. And I am resistant to this viewpoint due to my personal upbringing and beliefs.
I’m firmly of the mindset that ‘monogamy’ is good for western civilization and family formation- but it does fuck-all for individuals’ happiness.
Ah yes sorry about that, I was kinda letting my emotions run out as I needed a place to vent, I tried to open with it will seem very one sided.
Based on what you’ve written here and in your main post, there are several things going on… but you can’t “fix it”… he also has to want to fix it. We don’t need to even address who’s ’fault’ this is…. Because actually it doesn’t matter. If this marriage is going to work, you both have to put in the effort and potentially address deep seated uncomfortable topics.
FYI- this works for human babies too.
I’m sorry- those are “her problems” emotionally, psychologically, and physically. I’m sorry that the effects are so bad for you and the relationship.
I haven’t fixed my marriage- but I have come to terms with the fact that intimacy is a coming together. Which inherently requires some amount of separation.