1. What the fuck have i come across, you're such a loser lmao

  2. Granted! You have more paws of monkeys, you are arrested, and you have a lifetime ban from the zoo.

  3. Granted! The finger curls. Bill Cipher appears before you and rips out a deer's teeth and hands them to you.

  4. Granted! The finger curls. But once swapped, the power remains within your body, so you cannot swap back, or swap with anyone else.

  5. Granted! The finger curls. Unfortunately, as your mother is out to get the morning paper, she says good morning to you, blinding her. She stumbles out into the street and is hit by a car.

  6. Granted! The finger curls. They refer to it as this in private, while eating the blood pumps of babies.


  8. Granted! The finger curls. Ad blocking addons for browsers are invented.

  9. Granted! Giant metal monkey paws full of screaming terrified people are now crashing to the earth, killing thousands. Anyone who touches the flaming wreckage of one is granted one wish.

  10. Granted, but each time you deny a wish, you must pay 5 dollars, or the wish is granted.

  11. Granted! The finger curls. Your doorbell rings, you answer, to find a demon in a delivery uniform, holding a box. The demon is 6 feet 2 inches tall, short jet black hair, blood red skin, yellow eyes with vertical shaped pupils, muscular, slim, strong chiseled jaw, tiny bit of facial hair that is neatly trimmed, two small horns protruding thru holes in the hat he wearing. The delivery uniform sticks to his body like spandex, leaving so little to the imagination, oh and it is definitely a male, judging by an outline you spot below. A whole lotta man.

  12. great, that'll hopefully motivate you to commission the rest of a very long story

  13. Granted, you are turned into a video game character and put in the video game, you have no free will and cannot control your own motion or dialogue. Welcome to hell.

  14. Granted. Nobody knows what time it is any more, they just bullshit their guesses based on the position of the sun, since hourglasses are terrible for time keeping.

  15. Granted! The finger curls. Kars the konquerer from a distant violent alien planet is made ruler. He begins planting alien eggs in everyone, which hatches to make an army of his species out of the entire population of north korea. They then spread out to take over the world and exterminate all humans

  16. Granted without twist because being forced to watch soccer is the most horrible thing I can imagine.

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