As suggestions, have you tried online zoom meetings? That's always an alternative. Check with your online local intergroup directory for those or here is a link for the US and some overseas where the meeting provided their info.
I’m resentful because I walked into my home group back in. November emotionally wrecked and had a meltdown in front of my fellowship before the meeting begging for people to reach out to me and invite me to things because I’ve been battling depression and overwhelm(in therapy as well) with everything I’ve got in my plate. Not only did those people not reach out, but they stopped responding to me when I would reach out (except for my sponsor and one guy). These were the same people who falsely promised unconditional love to me as a member of a fellowship. I work full time plus in the mental health and addiction counseling field and I’m in grad school. I’m trying to show up for my dad whose 6 years sober and dry as hell/miserable to heal our relationship and every time I open up to try and talk to him he tears me down and I feel like a fucking idiot. My life was getting big-I was doing the steps, good things and good feelings and just calm contentedness were coming back. Then my life started getting small so I asked for help and got snubbed. How am I supposed to rely on that? I’m fucking hurt dude. I pray every morning and every night for the people I know and those I don’t who are still suffering, I bust my ass and go above and beyond at work for my clients, I take phone calls from people as long as I’m awake and not otherwise occupied by dedicated tome(homework, relationship, prayer) and even as bad as all of this has been I still have not thought of drinking as an option once. I’m confused and worried that I invested in this form of recovery when I might not be a proper alcoholic and that is frightening. I don’t know who I am but know I don’t want to drink.
I am sorry you are going through the resentment since it sounds like it is starting to eat you alive. You know what they say about resentment? It's drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die. The only person who is hurting/angry here is you. The people in the meeting are still there and living their lives.
I realize that you, as a non-alcoholic, are trying to change what you consider a formula for an active alcoholic or is it all active alcoholics? Have YOU ever thought about trying Al-Anon or even gone to an open AA meeting, in particular a speaker's meeting? What is this formula you think exists? They don't have to go to AA. There are other resources out there. That may help you gain understanding why your post is met with resistance. You may also be enabling this person rather than helping them.
Same answer. The gutter is a state of mind meaning the bottom is different for each of us. It's called the gift of desperation for a reason. Let him/her hit their bottom whatever that is to this particular alcoholic and as hard as that may be for you or those that care about this person. Enabling doesn't help. There is also a fine line between sincerely wanting help and self-pity/attention.
The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is about ego deflation and ridding us of terminal self-centeredness. and character defects If nothing changes, nothing changes, and the same person will drink again.
I agree with this. An old timer I look up to frequently says “AA is not a dumping ground”. I talk about that stuff with my sponsor or within my trusted circle if I must.
I was also told early on that it wasn't a trash can either. Meaning don't "dump" one's stuff and then leave the meeting, Nor is it group therapy, no matter how some try to make it so.
Have you tried zoom meetings? Perhaps that would help you in getting back to meetings. Check with your local intergroup online and see what zoom meetings are listed in your area.
Also, as I read the book and read about everything he did and all the drugs he did, I am very surprised he could remember so much of that. I wonder how much research he had to do for the parts he possible couldn’t remember. I imagine he probably didn’t associate with a lot of people from those times, either for personal reasons and/or because he did burn a lot of bridges. Just my theory. But I wonder how he got a lot of the information on his own past
I am a long timer, and was told early on we go to AA meetings to learn how to live outside the rooms and practicing the AA program is a way of life. We don't graduate and to keep going to meetings until I liked going and then keep going, which I did and have never looked back.
Hate the new layout. Please change it back. It is also such small text, it's almost unreadable. I didn't sign up for either the testing or redesign testing.
Besides the other comments, it also showed me there was life after stopping drinking and how to fun and learning how to live outside the rooms. I didn't travel to other meetings to do this it was a large local AA meeting. Some AA clubs also have more activities than meetings do in my area.
Some meetings are like that. When the meeting starts do they ask if anyone is new to the meeting or in their first 30 days? If so, I hope you raise your hand and introduce yourself. I heard one young woman say in a meeting, she was hoping to get some phone numbers from a few sober women since she was new. It worked.
Thanks for this! Loved Mark's singing and the video. Definitely some get up and dance, have a good time music played. Nice surprise, too, to see all the musicians that participated in the video.
Yes! The whole experience gave off a vibe of him using again. I could be entirely wrong, but every other time I saw him (I think it totals close to 9) he was never this sloppy or put off being there. And lol, it was very distracting, I don’t remember any songs he played, but I remember the undergarments line.
Too funny! Don't know about the using, although he did say in DIAC that he'd been clean for 15 years when it was written. Probably didn't want to be there or wasn't feeling it.
It was a super off evening in general. The first time I saw him was at the Troubadour with Soulsavers, my god was everything distracting. I had never been so attracted to human being on such a superficial level ever before.
I know. I’m just saying this thread could be counterproductive. I didn’t realize this was a place to blatantly dis new comers. That’s all. Everything else aside.
Ever hear of "It works if you work it". Truth. It's not a cherry-picking program. Where people think that they can choose what part of it they are going to apply to their problem is bs, it's the whole package. The take what you need and leave the rest was in reference to sharing, not the AA program.
When I didn't like a meeting and voiced that to my very first sponsor, she glared at me and asked what did I do to try and change it? As in raise your hand and share. At the time it was easier to complain, and I never complained to her again about a meeting.
DMing strangers on the internet won't always be well-intended. It can cause more harm than good if someone with shitty intentions preys on someone vulnerable.
About ”Somebody’s Knocking”, the knocker on the cover: Mark, was told it had a dark energy and bought it for the house. “I’m a true believer that houses, especially old houses that have been around forever (my house is made in like 1920, I think) carry energy. Stuff has happened in these houses. People have died in these houses. Maybe people died violently in these houses, or maybe they died by their own hands. Whatever, dark shit happens everywhere. I’m one of those people who does not like to be where I can feel the oppressiveness of that darkness”.
In AA, it's called going Back to Basics. Sometimes we do that since that's what worked and kept us from picking up a drink when we thought we had all the answers, needed more or whatever. In my area, we have Back to Basics workshops for the newcomers. Oldtimers go, too to help out, get on the available sponsor list and for their own well-being.
I knew a long timer that used to say if you want to be a wallflower and not talk to anybody, we'll let you and leave you alone. Or you can walk up to someone and say Hi, my name is (fill in the blank) and you will be welcomed,
As suggestions, have you tried online zoom meetings? That's always an alternative. Check with your online local intergroup directory for those or here is a link for the US and some overseas where the meeting provided their info.
I’m resentful because I walked into my home group back in. November emotionally wrecked and had a meltdown in front of my fellowship before the meeting begging for people to reach out to me and invite me to things because I’ve been battling depression and overwhelm(in therapy as well) with everything I’ve got in my plate. Not only did those people not reach out, but they stopped responding to me when I would reach out (except for my sponsor and one guy). These were the same people who falsely promised unconditional love to me as a member of a fellowship. I work full time plus in the mental health and addiction counseling field and I’m in grad school. I’m trying to show up for my dad whose 6 years sober and dry as hell/miserable to heal our relationship and every time I open up to try and talk to him he tears me down and I feel like a fucking idiot. My life was getting big-I was doing the steps, good things and good feelings and just calm contentedness were coming back. Then my life started getting small so I asked for help and got snubbed. How am I supposed to rely on that? I’m fucking hurt dude. I pray every morning and every night for the people I know and those I don’t who are still suffering, I bust my ass and go above and beyond at work for my clients, I take phone calls from people as long as I’m awake and not otherwise occupied by dedicated tome(homework, relationship, prayer) and even as bad as all of this has been I still have not thought of drinking as an option once. I’m confused and worried that I invested in this form of recovery when I might not be a proper alcoholic and that is frightening. I don’t know who I am but know I don’t want to drink.
I am sorry you are going through the resentment since it sounds like it is starting to eat you alive. You know what they say about resentment? It's drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die. The only person who is hurting/angry here is you. The people in the meeting are still there and living their lives.
I'd like him to go to an AA meeting. I'd even encourage him to "go back" if he has been before and just fell out of the routine.
I realize that you, as a non-alcoholic, are trying to change what you consider a formula for an active alcoholic or is it all active alcoholics? Have YOU ever thought about trying Al-Anon or even gone to an open AA meeting, in particular a speaker's meeting? What is this formula you think exists? They don't have to go to AA. There are other resources out there. That may help you gain understanding why your post is met with resistance. You may also be enabling this person rather than helping them.
Oh whoops!! That should read - I'm NOT trying to change a formula. Edited.
Same answer. The gutter is a state of mind meaning the bottom is different for each of us. It's called the gift of desperation for a reason. Let him/her hit their bottom whatever that is to this particular alcoholic and as hard as that may be for you or those that care about this person. Enabling doesn't help. There is also a fine line between sincerely wanting help and self-pity/attention.
This one doesn't have your name on it. Your best bet here would be to go to Alanon for your own sanity.
The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is about ego deflation and ridding us of terminal self-centeredness. and character defects If nothing changes, nothing changes, and the same person will drink again.
I agree with this. An old timer I look up to frequently says “AA is not a dumping ground”. I talk about that stuff with my sponsor or within my trusted circle if I must.
I was also told early on that it wasn't a trash can either. Meaning don't "dump" one's stuff and then leave the meeting, Nor is it group therapy, no matter how some try to make it so.
Have you tried zoom meetings? Perhaps that would help you in getting back to meetings. Check with your local intergroup online and see what zoom meetings are listed in your area.
Also, as I read the book and read about everything he did and all the drugs he did, I am very surprised he could remember so much of that. I wonder how much research he had to do for the parts he possible couldn’t remember. I imagine he probably didn’t associate with a lot of people from those times, either for personal reasons and/or because he did burn a lot of bridges. Just my theory. But I wonder how he got a lot of the information on his own past
Sometimes when one has lived it and survived, it's not easy to forget.
Hi Kyle. Tell him, nah I just got lucky and got here sooner, after all the gutter is a state of mind.
I am a long timer, and was told early on we go to AA meetings to learn how to live outside the rooms and practicing the AA program is a way of life. We don't graduate and to keep going to meetings until I liked going and then keep going, which I did and have never looked back.
Hate the new layout. Please change it back. It is also such small text, it's almost unreadable. I didn't sign up for either the testing or redesign testing.
HATE THIS NEW LAYOUT! EVEN WORSE ON PHONE. So small, it can't be seen to read. Change it back, please.
Besides the other comments, it also showed me there was life after stopping drinking and how to fun and learning how to live outside the rooms. I didn't travel to other meetings to do this it was a large local AA meeting. Some AA clubs also have more activities than meetings do in my area.
Some meetings are like that. When the meeting starts do they ask if anyone is new to the meeting or in their first 30 days? If so, I hope you raise your hand and introduce yourself. I heard one young woman say in a meeting, she was hoping to get some phone numbers from a few sober women since she was new. It worked.
It's one of the two covers mentioned by Barrett Martin in his book, The Greatest Band That Ever Wasn't.
Is there a soundtrack available to purchase from this particular documentary? I googled but had no luck. Thanks.
Thanks for this! Loved Mark's singing and the video. Definitely some get up and dance, have a good time music played. Nice surprise, too, to see all the musicians that participated in the video.
The past is the past. She's with you now.
Yes! The whole experience gave off a vibe of him using again. I could be entirely wrong, but every other time I saw him (I think it totals close to 9) he was never this sloppy or put off being there. And lol, it was very distracting, I don’t remember any songs he played, but I remember the undergarments line.
Too funny! Don't know about the using, although he did say in DIAC that he'd been clean for 15 years when it was written. Probably didn't want to be there or wasn't feeling it.
It was a super off evening in general. The first time I saw him was at the Troubadour with Soulsavers, my god was everything distracting. I had never been so attracted to human being on such a superficial level ever before.
Oh yes, can agree with you on that. He had that aura about him.
I know. I’m just saying this thread could be counterproductive. I didn’t realize this was a place to blatantly dis new comers. That’s all. Everything else aside.
Keep coming back.
I can understand it.
Ah, the beauty of becoming openminded.
We carry the message, not the alcoholic. I have also found the chapter "Working with Others" in the BB, particularly pp. 95 and 96 to be helpful.
if I taught a university course of 100 students, and 5% of people failed the semester, I'd reasonably say the fault lied with those 5 individuals.
Ever hear of "It works if you work it". Truth. It's not a cherry-picking program. Where people think that they can choose what part of it they are going to apply to their problem is bs, it's the whole package. The take what you need and leave the rest was in reference to sharing, not the AA program.
When I didn't like a meeting and voiced that to my very first sponsor, she glared at me and asked what did I do to try and change it? As in raise your hand and share. At the time it was easier to complain, and I never complained to her again about a meeting.
DMing strangers on the internet won't always be well-intended. It can cause more harm than good if someone with shitty intentions preys on someone vulnerable.
and vice versa to someone with good intentions.
My point is that if you care just message someone:
Are you an alcoholic, or in 12-step recovery program or just seeking information? Are you familiar with the AA preamble?
What is this mythology surrounding Lanegan's "haunted" house in LA?
About ”Somebody’s Knocking”, the knocker on the cover: Mark, was told it had a dark energy and bought it for the house. “I’m a true believer that houses, especially old houses that have been around forever (my house is made in like 1920, I think) carry energy. Stuff has happened in these houses. People have died in these houses. Maybe people died violently in these houses, or maybe they died by their own hands. Whatever, dark shit happens everywhere. I’m one of those people who does not like to be where I can feel the oppressiveness of that darkness”.
Was the devil on the cover of “Devil in a Coma” something he said he had actually seen? I feel like I read that somewhere.
I don't know and had never read or heard that he'd actually seen a devil but could be possible.
Do you still work the same program you did when you got sober? With the same intensity?
In AA, it's called going Back to Basics. Sometimes we do that since that's what worked and kept us from picking up a drink when we thought we had all the answers, needed more or whatever. In my area, we have Back to Basics workshops for the newcomers. Oldtimers go, too to help out, get on the available sponsor list and for their own well-being.
Perhaps it comes from the following which in the 12& !2, Step 12, page 110 depending on how one views the last sentence.
I knew a long timer that used to say if you want to be a wallflower and not talk to anybody, we'll let you and leave you alone. Or you can walk up to someone and say Hi, my name is (fill in the blank) and you will be welcomed,