UPDATE: AITA for not wanting to adopt my "dying" ex-girlfriends child?

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AITA for forbidding my sister to meet my child and telling my wife to butt out of the situation?

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  1. YTA, I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 years and we've had zero serious fights especially one serious enough to result in a break up so I don't know why you think that is a Flex, that you guys have broken up several times in 7 years. Discounting breakup times, how long have you guys been together, Rachel? Probably less than 5 years of stable relationship like your brother and his fiancé. How is a month after, one upping you, especially since she is "jealous you are getting married first"? Why wouldn't she plan the weekend before you? Probably because she doesn't care that much about you beyond being the sister of her future husband and the aunt of her kids. Like it or not, the world doesn't revolve around you two.

  2. "She can't stand that I'm getting married first so that's why she's getting married a month after me and that makes me mad"

  3. They’re literally unable to consent… it’s the equivalent of necrophilia, which is rape, btw… idk why they were talking abt it like it’s somehow more ethical than rape

  4. Honestly, I'm just so disgusted reading this. I think I'd rather the 1950s where they give you a lobotomy and rape you in a mental asylum than this. At least there you die quickly with modern science they could use you for years. This just makes me sad

  5. She probably ate it so it wouldn’t go to waste. I do this a lot. I get my hair done once a month on a Sat. It’s usually over the lunch period. I sometimes pick up food for myself after. If I know my partner is home and I know he’s probably eaten lunch, I still order a larger fries for us both and maybe a small burger or nuggets for him. Mostly as I feel weird eating alone anyways but it also means I don’t need to share. My partner does the same. And even if I’m not hungry I’ll eat it because he bought it for me. I just won’t eat dinner later

  6. Yeah, "I'm not hungry, but I might try a bite," brings extra food home.

  7. If she “had” to eat the burger and fries to not waste, then why’d she ask for more pie if she was presumably not hungry from the start? I’m going with “she’s lying about not being hungry.”

  8. "Hey, this is really good. Can I try another bite?"

  9. Here's my question, your husband does not want your half sister, so how was she placed with you? No offence, but isn't that against the child's best interest to be placed in a family with very young children and half of the parental units against the move, especially without prior contact. The real asshole is the social worker who placed her in your care.

  10. Okay, but if he's been sharing up until this point, and didn't bother to communicate that the food was directly tied to helping him, then a younger sibling will totally see it as a punishment for not doing extra chores. Like I said, the leftovers can be used a payment as long as that's communicated.

  11. The problem would be if it becomes a habit and he's constantly pawning his chores off on her. Doing a nice thing like sharing food and receding the offer later because they couldn't help you out when you were tired.

  12. If he wants to use the fruits of his labor to barter chores away, he's free to do that.

  13. I think everyone misconstrued my comment. As the situation is now, he's perfectly fine, def NTA, especially given how rude his sis was to him. The parents need to watch and make sure he's not taking advantage of them, like making bigger messes, constantly piling his chores on them, etc. that is a problem. As the situation is now, which is what we judge, then NTA. OP might even want to mention to his daughter that the food was a nice thing and that by her being mean instead of politely refusing, that made her brother not want to share his food with her again.

  14. God helps those who help themselves isn't in the bible, and goes against the basic message. That said no where does it say you have to take your money and bail out people every time they mess up. Sometimes the consequences of our actions are great catalysts for change.

  15. All that quote means is that if you don't have the ability to get out of your situation, then absolutely ask for help, but if you can, then don't ask someone else for help. Like, "I'm hungry. Can you buy me food so I don't have to find my wallet?" Instead of a, "We've spent all our paycheque on bills. Do you have any spare food we can have until next payday?" Or something to that rendition. Ask for help if you need it, not if it inconveniences you if you don't.

  16. I agree. It also comes down to the tone of how he said it and meant it. Like did he say "oh I wish you had called earlier so we could have longer to chat but I have to go do X now" or was it "You should've called earlier because you're interrupting X now"? They also had a full year to discuss the problem and clear up the issue. They could've even put in the text "Happy Birthday, give us a call whenever you have a few minutes to chat" if it was that big of a deal.

  17. I know the post has been declared and everything, but your comment is why I think it's YTA. If they were so hurt, then why not say, "Happy Birthday! Give us a call whenever you have a few minutes to chat". It's obviously important to this family.

  18. I think that he should very seriously and calmly explain that up until this point decisions that significantly impacted both of them, or the family as a whole, required 2 yes's. But if she makes this decision in this way, that will no longer be the case. Going forward, it will be acceptable for you to make unilateral decisions that significantly impact the family without any communication with her, as long as you think it's important enough.

  19. I tell my boyfriend everything plain and simple that's non-negotiable. Unless I've signed an NDA, he'll hear about it. Either that or gifts, but that's because he's a snoop

  20. Your friends cannot count on your confidence for anything? Why does your boyfriend need to know everything going on in your friend/ family lives?

  21. My friends don't care because they are the same way. If I tell them something, I fully expect them to tell their partners. He doesn't need to know, I just have no intention of keeping secrets from him. Different people have different opinions, but that's my prerogative, and all my friends know and accept that.

  22. So utterly precious. How did you get her to wear that?

  23. The first try on, she was given her favorite treat, plus she is the most easy going dog, so she didn't seem to mind at all!

  24. My pitties just hate it and flop around it. My min pin only started wearing clothes because she's old and balding

  25. You did a good thing, and more importantly, you did it because you wanted to. That little boy may not have his mom anymore, but thanks to you, he still has his Papa. I wish you both the best and I'm sorry about your ex.

  26. NTA, if she was utterly immobilized like severe cramps for period blood, or immobilized like other blood, or even sick with throw up, then it's common courtesy to clean it up. Anytime else, then it's their responsibility

  27. I don’t think it’s necessary to create more work for the prof by asking for an alternative assignment - OP can just make up numbers. The idea behind the project will be the same.

  28. Yeah I doubt prof is asking for bank statements. It's an assignment meant to show relevancy to the person doing it

  29. Very similar to when Musk was offering a prize to anyone that could build a self-sustaining device that could convert the CO2 in the atmosphere to Oxygen

  30. Actually, algae, trees produce very little oxygen and actually release a lot of carbon when dying. Algae, in comparison, produces around 80% of the world's oxygen. Algae also converts it at a much faster rate, meaning it has less co2 stored inside it. It also grows significantly faster and covers more surface area

  31. YTA, your sister is right. Which would you prefer free rent and utilities to watch the dogs or rent, utilities, but you get paid?

  32. Intactivism is a weird cause because intactivists intentionally try to draw comparisons with FGM...which is arguably, and exponentially, more horrid.

  33. It's going to be awkward if my boyfriend and I have kids because I'm Jewish, he's more agnostic, but he's completely against circumcision. I'm kind of meh about it, but I don't like how much trouble that will give us going to synagogue.

  34. Or, try actually going to a brit millah or two. Every one I’ve ever been to has been a lovely family ceremony and the circumcision itself is a complete non issue. Most of the kids I’ve seen have slept through it.

  35. He refuses the thought of it. He was circumcised and he hates it.

  36. Op didn't know they were there because they were off. I've not in use. If the tenants turned them on and they broke without letting Op know it's 100% their fucking problem lmao

  37. Dude, take a chill pill. You're getting a bit heated there. The verdict is fair. We don't know who's the asshole is because not enough info was given. OP is responsible for fixing it, no if ands or buts about it. The water bill is iffy, but regardless of blame, OP was acting shady.

  38. Thanks for the link. But he indeed shouldn’t pay the full water bill though, as it’s not really his mistake. How is it his fault that the issue wasn’t reported by the tenants sooner? The problem was obviously noticeable yet they somehow failed to notice it? To be clear, he should absolutely be fixing the damage and ensuring no more water will be flowing like this. I’m speaking only on him paying the bill.

  39. Yes, I would agree that the tenants should pay if OP fixes the problem, especially considering that many utility companies will discount for issues such as this. I know OP said they aren't rn, but that's likely because he refuses to investigate and fix it. That would be a fair compromise. OP pays to investigate and fix/ remove the sprinkler system, while the tenants have an obligation to pay it, but they should try to negotiate it lower due to damage.

  40. Wear and tear really isn’t the issue, as treadmills are meant and rated to be used in this way. But as a fellow marathoner who also trains on gym equipment when it’s cold out, YTA. It’s a courtesy to keep your workouts to an hour max per equipment, unless there’s like, an excessive number of them available.

  41. I think that's a key issue. OP is saying "well 15 minutes max, all treadmills are being used," but 15 minutes in what time frame? Plus, like you said, people may be complaining to management about OP hogging the treadmill and thus avoiding the gym altogether. There could be a million reasons for that rule, but OP wants to ignore it and pretend that people don't have a legitimate complaint

  42. Let’s not forget she traded the baby for sugar water. Or that she’d starve one if she’d had two and her caretakers didn’t intervene.

  43. At least they aren't Quokkas. They'll throw their babies at predators so they can escape

  44. I’m more angry at people who can give blood and don’t. Something like 60% of the population CAN donate blood. You know what percentage actually does? THREE. Three percent.

  45. I would love to donate, but I was told I was too short (155cm) and I have issues with a b12 deficiency.

  46. NTA - You did nothing wrong. For what it’s worth, while she shouldn’t have put that on you, it sounds like she’s just a natural worrier who’s husband is vulnerable and maybe she’s having a hard time coping.

  47. Yeah I've been there before. I've yelled at hospitals and certainly people if I felt my boyfriend's medical needs were being overlooked.

  48. Well, for me, the only instance I've yelled directly at someone is when they should've known better and put him in danger. Like not giving him any food, not checking his blood sugar after they ruined his dexcom with an xray etc with this being actual medical staff.

  49. Info: unless this was an absolute emergency, then I failed to see in what way they could justify giving you a warning. I think NTA, but unless things change, a new job might be required

  50. Hey man there are plenty of fish in the sea. Don't beat yourself up. Keep a good head and you'll find your true love.

  51. No one would be calling a man a decent guy if he disappeared for more than decade.

  52. Not everyone has to parent. Man or woman, if they voluntarily send at least their child support, then I would call them a decent person. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you have to be a parent. Adoption or giving the baby to the other parent.

  53. Judy is not a decent woman. If she knew she didn't want a kid, she shouldn't have had a kid. And then abandon her child. No woman who abandons her child is a decent women (yes, i know there are teenagers who do that because they can't afford to raise a child, but they do that to give the child a better life. It's different than judy's situation)

  54. Why? If a teenage parent can give a baby up because they can't afford to financially raise them, then Judy should have no issue not being able to emotionally raise them. The baby wasn't thrown to the streets, she had a loving home. Why is it better for Judy to be miserable raising this child instead of the setup currently?

  55. It always seems like it’s the people who are like 1/8th Italian that become very particular about Italian food and respecting it.

  56. Lmao who's going to tell OP that tomatos aren't from Italy and thus aren't pure Italian food. We're all mutts here, just let people enjoy what they like to eat.

  57. Boundaries about who she can see and talk to? That's not a boundary. She would be crossing boundaries by bringing SIL to OPs home or forcing him to talk to her. If she laid a boundary that he can't talk to the toxic person telling him to hide money for a divorce (aka his dad) would he adhere?

  58. Exactly boundaries are for yourself not for everyone else. He can like it or not, but his wife has the right to share photos of their child as long as it doesn't put the child in danger. She has the right to introduce them too. what would be boundary stomping is sharing info about OP, trying to introduce them, taking the child to visit and making OP miss out on key events such as birthdays or Christmas, etc.

  59. OP said he CHOSE to go with his dad, he was 18, a fucking adult who can make their own choice.. they aren’t a child. And nowhere in the post did OP mention parent bashing from either side. Where the fuck are you getting this from?

  60. Dude, knock that escalation shit outta here. It's been 7 years, and he's over here about to divorce his wife "and make her a single parent" over some pics. He has the right to decide that he doesn't want anything to do with his parents, but he does not get to enforce that with his wife.

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