Well I'm glad you had an easy time with your wife's pregnancy. But I spent nearly 6 months during each of those pregnancies setting alarms to take my wife's blood pressure. I went at least once a week to the ER with her. Which is especially difficult when you have a 3 yr old. So, one might make the argument that my mom and sisters' lives were impacted by the pregnancy as well.
This implies she has the ability to make a conscious decision to hit him or not hit him. Either its an involuntary response in which case it could absolutely happen to a child, or it's a conscious decision in which case she's in the wrong. Can't have it both ways.
The reason for an involuntary response like that is often fear. Threat assessment doesn't have to happen consciously. There is a world of difference between an adult who is being verbally and physically aggressive and a child.
You have no reason to trust him. If he doesn't cheat on you with her, it is only because she doesn't want him. He already completely betrayed someone who he considers family. Don't allow him to convince you that you are special. Unfortunately, that already worked once.
I consider both of their comments to be emotionally abusive. I do not see a point in determining which was worse. OP took accountability for her part. I do not see any indication that her husband did. Marriages can overcome far worse than this, but it takes two.
This is something I have been wondering. I have ADHD and OCD. I know I'm neurodivergent because of the ADHD, but I don't know if the OCD is part of that or not.
You can have multiple subtypes at once, and they all have the potential to damage relationships. I'm sure you are already aware, and you sound pretty set on this. Have you brought this idea up with your therapist yet?
What makes you think that he would watch porn in the room with your child? I agree that watching porn in an airplane bathroom is gross, but these two things are not even remotely the same.
Okay, I see what you are saying now. It is more that you are questioning his ability to control his urges until an appropriate time in general after this.
Yes, you should leave and never look back. Give yourself permission to do what you already know is best. Please accept this housing opportunity for yourself and your daughter.
You are on the right track here. It's not about actually accepting that you are these things. You already logically know otherwise. When you have intrusive thoughts and respond with something like "maybe I am", it doesn't mean that you truly believe that you are. It is more along the lines of giving the thoughts a "so what" attitude. You are refusing to engage. In the examples you gave, the goal is to resist rumination. By saying "maybe" to the intrusive thoughts, you are flipping the usual script. Ideally, this will take some of power away from the thoughts and help you to transition away instead of ruminating.
This happened to me when my OCD was at its worst. I would get panic attacks and then dive into compulsions until I eventually collapsed and became incapable of functioning at all.
Your sister likely resents you because you still make excuses for your mother. You aren't holding your mother accountable. Your mom absolutely had other options besides shouldering your sister with all the responsibilities of raising two kids. Would you do that to your child?
Practicing ERP around this is completely appropriate. What is best for you is also best for your potential future child. Try to be gentle with yourself. You are going through a lot. You are going to give into compulsions sometimes, and that is okay. Take it slow.
These comments are skewed because he isn't your biological child. If this were a relationship with two bio parents of a toddler, people here would be reacting differently. There is a lot of hate for single moms on reddit.
People sometimes blame themselves for other people's actions and question if their own choices make them deserve it in some way. Questions or comments that support that inner dialogue can increase shame. When people feel ashamed, they are less likely to share their experience and receive help or guidance. The reason why people respond varies and is personal. I agree that blocking this creep and others like him is safest.
They are children struggling with the loss of their mother. How can you hold emotionally charged comments against them? Their brains are still developing, and they've gone through a tragic loss. It is hard enough to cope with grief as an adult. You are part of the fighting and the only adult. Your expectations of them are unrealistic. You talk about respect, but you don't give them respect in return. This is their life, too. This is their childhood. It has been difficult enough, and no number of trips to Florida can change that. You aren't an amazing parent for taking care of them up to this point. That is your responsibility as a parent. Are you really going to leave that responsibility with your 19 year old? Idgaf if they "chose" it. That shouldn't be an option on the table.
My 5 year old has an egg allergy. It is so severe that she can get anaphylaxis from cross contamination. She has a 504 plan for the upcoming year. She will be in an allergy aware classroom and sit at a separate table during lunch. The allergy aware classroom means they make sure the kids don't share snacks and stay at their own desks to eat. They also wipe things down more frequently and encourage hand washing around meal times.
I think everyone can agree they want this child safe. I def don’t want to hurt a sweet little girl with something as stupid as Mayo or egg products. I empathize with the mother, it’s such a terrible place for any mom to be in. I really didn’t get frustrated until the home request got more of a demanding tone. And then I was like ok lady. I’m sorry this is happening to you and your daughter, however, I can’t cut my very picky sons diet in 1/2 at home too. I want to help within reason
There is no logical reason that your kids can't have eggs or egg products at home! This isn't going to harm their classmate. Being cautious would be asking the kids to wash up after breakfast or when they get to school. Suggesting classmates don't eat egg outside of school is beyond extra. Think about everywhere we go on a daily basis. Someone has likely eaten eggs before going to any of these places. Unless she keeps her child in a bubble, there is going to be some exposure. Amounts matter.
If she was in an abusive relationship previously, she might be experiencing something similar to what I have gone through. Abusive relationships are an emotional roller-coaster. Healthy love does not feel the same way (which is a good thing). This could be causing her to worry that she is incapable of truly loving again because she equates those intense emotional swings with love. She also might feel guilty for not feeling that way and feel like she doesn't deserve you. This is all speculation based on my own experiences. I could be way off. There are many possibilities, and none of us can say what is going on in someone else's head. I think you need to ask some follow-up questions. I'd start by asking what "loving deeply" means to her.
Larder beetle. I have these guys, too. Not nearly as bad as the German roaches we also have. They are still a pest, though. They can indicate another infestation since they like to feed off of dead rodents and insects. It doesn't mean you have other pests, but it wouldn't hurt to do a thorough check of your living space just to make sure.
Okay I may do so soon, my room is a touch cluttered but I haven't noticed any other bugs besides these guys, of which I have maybe seen 2 of them this year. I am slightly worried but I dont think there's anything super worrying I know about yet.
They are harmless to people! They can get into your stored food, which can be a pain. A couple doesn't sound like an infestation. Vacuuming thoroughly is probably enough!
I actually don't really see a problem with it. If they're saying what they mean and are being straight about it, why not? It's better than getting ghosted or strung along.
Well I'm glad you had an easy time with your wife's pregnancy. But I spent nearly 6 months during each of those pregnancies setting alarms to take my wife's blood pressure. I went at least once a week to the ER with her. Which is especially difficult when you have a 3 yr old. So, one might make the argument that my mom and sisters' lives were impacted by the pregnancy as well.
Your point is valid. Experiences vary drastically. The pregnancy itself can certainly have implications for partners and family members.
This implies she has the ability to make a conscious decision to hit him or not hit him. Either its an involuntary response in which case it could absolutely happen to a child, or it's a conscious decision in which case she's in the wrong. Can't have it both ways.
The reason for an involuntary response like that is often fear. Threat assessment doesn't have to happen consciously. There is a world of difference between an adult who is being verbally and physically aggressive and a child.
You have no reason to trust him. If he doesn't cheat on you with her, it is only because she doesn't want him. He already completely betrayed someone who he considers family. Don't allow him to convince you that you are special. Unfortunately, that already worked once.
No I do see that. They're both wrong and I have said this numerous times.
I consider both of their comments to be emotionally abusive. I do not see a point in determining which was worse. OP took accountability for her part. I do not see any indication that her husband did. Marriages can overcome far worse than this, but it takes two.
This is something I have been wondering. I have ADHD and OCD. I know I'm neurodivergent because of the ADHD, but I don't know if the OCD is part of that or not.
You can have multiple subtypes at once, and they all have the potential to damage relationships. I'm sure you are already aware, and you sound pretty set on this. Have you brought this idea up with your therapist yet?
THANK YOU. and i have a DAUGHTER MAKES ME THINK YOU WATCH THIS SHIT WHILE SHES IN THE ROOM
What makes you think that he would watch porn in the room with your child? I agree that watching porn in an airplane bathroom is gross, but these two things are not even remotely the same.
my mind thinking fucked up shit. not in the same room but her room is next to the bathroom
Okay, I see what you are saying now. It is more that you are questioning his ability to control his urges until an appropriate time in general after this.
Yes, you should leave and never look back. Give yourself permission to do what you already know is best. Please accept this housing opportunity for yourself and your daughter.
You are on the right track here. It's not about actually accepting that you are these things. You already logically know otherwise. When you have intrusive thoughts and respond with something like "maybe I am", it doesn't mean that you truly believe that you are. It is more along the lines of giving the thoughts a "so what" attitude. You are refusing to engage. In the examples you gave, the goal is to resist rumination. By saying "maybe" to the intrusive thoughts, you are flipping the usual script. Ideally, this will take some of power away from the thoughts and help you to transition away instead of ruminating.
This happened to me when my OCD was at its worst. I would get panic attacks and then dive into compulsions until I eventually collapsed and became incapable of functioning at all.
OCD can cause us to react strongly to things that the majority of people without this disorder would brush off or forget about entirely.
[удалено]
Your sister likely resents you because you still make excuses for your mother. You aren't holding your mother accountable. Your mom absolutely had other options besides shouldering your sister with all the responsibilities of raising two kids. Would you do that to your child?
Practicing ERP around this is completely appropriate. What is best for you is also best for your potential future child. Try to be gentle with yourself. You are going through a lot. You are going to give into compulsions sometimes, and that is okay. Take it slow.
1000% the reason I've stayed for so long. But it's starting to break me
These comments are skewed because he isn't your biological child. If this were a relationship with two bio parents of a toddler, people here would be reacting differently. There is a lot of hate for single moms on reddit.
[удалено]
I hope I didn't come across as being rude. I was just letting you know because it is a sucky feeling.
[удалено]
People sometimes blame themselves for other people's actions and question if their own choices make them deserve it in some way. Questions or comments that support that inner dialogue can increase shame. When people feel ashamed, they are less likely to share their experience and receive help or guidance. The reason why people respond varies and is personal. I agree that blocking this creep and others like him is safest.
[удалено]
Saying yes to everything is just lazy parenting. Ditching them for a new relationship is even worse. They deserve so much better than this.
[удалено]
They are children struggling with the loss of their mother. How can you hold emotionally charged comments against them? Their brains are still developing, and they've gone through a tragic loss. It is hard enough to cope with grief as an adult. You are part of the fighting and the only adult. Your expectations of them are unrealistic. You talk about respect, but you don't give them respect in return. This is their life, too. This is their childhood. It has been difficult enough, and no number of trips to Florida can change that. You aren't an amazing parent for taking care of them up to this point. That is your responsibility as a parent. Are you really going to leave that responsibility with your 19 year old? Idgaf if they "chose" it. That shouldn't be an option on the table.
My 5 year old has an egg allergy. It is so severe that she can get anaphylaxis from cross contamination. She has a 504 plan for the upcoming year. She will be in an allergy aware classroom and sit at a separate table during lunch. The allergy aware classroom means they make sure the kids don't share snacks and stay at their own desks to eat. They also wipe things down more frequently and encourage hand washing around meal times.
I think everyone can agree they want this child safe. I def don’t want to hurt a sweet little girl with something as stupid as Mayo or egg products. I empathize with the mother, it’s such a terrible place for any mom to be in. I really didn’t get frustrated until the home request got more of a demanding tone. And then I was like ok lady. I’m sorry this is happening to you and your daughter, however, I can’t cut my very picky sons diet in 1/2 at home too. I want to help within reason
There is no logical reason that your kids can't have eggs or egg products at home! This isn't going to harm their classmate. Being cautious would be asking the kids to wash up after breakfast or when they get to school. Suggesting classmates don't eat egg outside of school is beyond extra. Think about everywhere we go on a daily basis. Someone has likely eaten eggs before going to any of these places. Unless she keeps her child in a bubble, there is going to be some exposure. Amounts matter.
If she was in an abusive relationship previously, she might be experiencing something similar to what I have gone through. Abusive relationships are an emotional roller-coaster. Healthy love does not feel the same way (which is a good thing). This could be causing her to worry that she is incapable of truly loving again because she equates those intense emotional swings with love. She also might feel guilty for not feeling that way and feel like she doesn't deserve you. This is all speculation based on my own experiences. I could be way off. There are many possibilities, and none of us can say what is going on in someone else's head. I think you need to ask some follow-up questions. I'd start by asking what "loving deeply" means to her.
Larder beetle. I have these guys, too. Not nearly as bad as the German roaches we also have. They are still a pest, though. They can indicate another infestation since they like to feed off of dead rodents and insects. It doesn't mean you have other pests, but it wouldn't hurt to do a thorough check of your living space just to make sure.
Okay I may do so soon, my room is a touch cluttered but I haven't noticed any other bugs besides these guys, of which I have maybe seen 2 of them this year. I am slightly worried but I dont think there's anything super worrying I know about yet.
They are harmless to people! They can get into your stored food, which can be a pain. A couple doesn't sound like an infestation. Vacuuming thoroughly is probably enough!
I'm at 200. I didn't notice any difference until I got over 100
im not allowed to like strawberries AND murder? What the hell man :c
How can you even ask this question? What's next, you want to wear shorts AND a hoodie? I won't hear of it!
Dogs- Pile
1 year and 2 months.
I actually don't really see a problem with it. If they're saying what they mean and are being straight about it, why not? It's better than getting ghosted or strung along.
It's definitely better than being ghosted or strung along, but that doesn't mean it's always the right thing to do.