Somewhere you’ll have a mutual interest! I met someone at a hockey game one time! Met new people playing sand volleyball. I could see breweries being another spot you could meet people!
This advice isn't bad for people who don't have generally male-dominated and/or solitary interests. For those of us not into sports, though, I'm not sure it's as effective.
Those were just examples based on my specific interests. Plenty of other places someone who isn’t into sports can meet someone- book clubs, trivia nights, etc. there’s meetup websites where people can search for groups with their own specific interests that are great too!
Minimal effort to talk or spend time together (ultimately got ghosted). If they want to spend time with you and they’re truly interested in you, they will. You shouldn’t have to wonder if they’re into you.
Your boyfriend is insecure and manipulative. Women are not attention seeking for going to the gym. You know this, come on now. Do you want to go to the gym to get male attention, or to take care of yourself? I know personally I go to better myself. And my fiance wants me to go because he also wants me to take care of myself, not because he’s worried about “losing the pussy”. When we first started dating he was excited that we had a common interest in the gym!
Please dump this jerk. That’s not a normal or acceptable reaction to a normal bodily function/accident. I’ve had intermittent spotting on my last birth control and sometimes it’ll stop then happen during sex. The first time there was blood on my fiancé’s sheets, he said it was no big deal and made sure I didn’t feel bad. That’s an appropriate response.
I think you know deep down what to do, you just don’t want to because you’re blinded by how much you care about him. I’ve been in your shoes. Let me tell you something I had to figure out for myself: no matter how much you love/care about him, you can’t change him. And he just doesn’t love/care about/respect you in the way you deserve.
I had my radius set to like 20 or 30 miles, and then I was scrolling on bumble at the airport (which is about an hour from me) not really thinking about the distance parameters. Ended up coming across my now fiancé. He lived an hour and 40 minutes from me. And he drove that entire distance to see me for our first date. So you never know! Longer distance could be worth it :)
Please don’t stay. Have some respect for yourself- he actively chose to cheat on you AND he impregnated his ex, meaning he wasn’t wearing protection. He risked giving you a STI. And he certainly wasn’t thinking about your or your relationship/future when he was having sex with his ex.
I don’t want to go as far as calling you an idiot if you stay, but I think it would be a really idiotic choice. Your husband has showed you three times now that he cares more about validation and attention from other women than your marriage. And he isn’t taking accountability for his actions- he tried to spin it on you by saying he felt like he couldn’t confide in you for emotional support. If he truly felt that way he should have talked to you, not looked elsewhere.
He was honest about the other girl and it sounds like his intentions were to define your relationship, especially since he expressed wanting exclusivity and he’s going to cancel the trip. I see this as a green flag!
Nope. That’s low effort on his end. Meeting in the middle would be more fair/better. My bf lives an hour and 40 minutes from me and he offered to drive all the way to me for our first date. I was blown away by the offer/effort. This guy is doing the opposite.
I had (1) successful match that led to dates on hinge (didn’t end up working out on my end). I was on hinge and the other dating apps for 7 months and went on dates with 3 different guys total in that time. I had better luck on bumble, and that’s where I met my now boyfriend.
OP some advice I wish I would have taken myself would be, leave. It's harsh, but 9/10 he's just going to do it again. He's working to win you back now, but then they just figure out how they can get away with it again. And in my case, it was easier for him because I would go through periods where I just wanted to be happy so I didn't look to see if he was still lying and going behind my back. And he was of course.
You got me right in the gut with the “it was easier for him because I would go through periods where I just wanted to b e happy so I didn’t look to see if he was still lying”. Spot on to how I felt with my ex.
I’ve been in your shoes. I was with my ex for almost 5 years, and he kept moving the goal post with the proposal too. Because he didn’t want to get married/commit, but he was comfortable/didn’t want to lose me. And he ended up cheating.
I know you don’t want to tell a friend or family member.l, but you really should. My ex cheated on me and I told my friends for the support but also so they could hold me accountable so I wouldn’t go back to him.
Your boyfriend raped you. I want you to really think about how he said “go back to sleep”. Don’t let him manipulate you into thinking he didn’t know what he was doing. He knew you were asleep and he proceeded to force himself on you. And continued to do so after you told him no. That. Is. Rape.
I think it really depends how well you communicate/where the maturity levels are. My brother and his wife are the same age gap (met when he was 28 and she was 21) and they’re perfect together! As with any new guy, keep an eye out for red flags. Otherwise, as long as you to see eye to eye on the important things and get along, why not?
Don’t give him any more time. Trust me, I was you. I waited and waited for my ex to be ready, and after almost a year he was. But throughout our entire (5 year)relationship, he could never be committed. Messaged other girls on instagram, Snapchat, and eventually cheated by sexting someone else.
I learned this the very hard way, OP. If he wanted to, he would. If he truly wanted to marry you, you wouldn’t even have to have a conversation about getting married or be “pushing”. It should be something you’re BOTH excited about. And he isn’t, clearly, since he won’t even talk to you about it.
I mean this in the nicest way, OP: find your self respect, go to therapy. Every single time you tell him you’re done if he behaves that same way and you take him back, you’re telling him his behavior is okay. You finally grew a tiny spine and ended it, but he tested you and you caved right back in. He’s treating you like crap, but you’re allowing him to do it. Every time you talk to him or allow him back into your life, you’re telling him it’s okay to treat you like this.
Take it from me (got cheated on a little over a year ago and stayed in communication much longer than I should have): cut communication with him. He just wants the validation. It’s going to hurt at first but you’ll feel so free and so much better once you separate yourself from him and give yourself space to heal!
I would move on. I wasted a few months on a guy like this and he ghosted. If someone genuinely likes you, they’re going to put in the effort to talk to you and want to be around you.
Break up with her. She was using you to make him jealous and she probably still was. She doesn’t respect you, which is clear by her attempts to cheat on you.
That was my ex. Never had a relationship, eventually dated me because I told him it was that or nothing, and guess what? After almost 5 years he wouldn’t commit to the next level/getting married and he cheated. I’m not saying this guy will cheat, but if he’s reluctant to get into a relationship and you want one (and want marriage someday), it’s a waste of time. Even if he commits to a relationship, he may never want to fully commit. I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time on someone who wasn’t ever fully committed to me.
Somewhere you’ll have a mutual interest! I met someone at a hockey game one time! Met new people playing sand volleyball. I could see breweries being another spot you could meet people!
This advice isn't bad for people who don't have generally male-dominated and/or solitary interests. For those of us not into sports, though, I'm not sure it's as effective.
Those were just examples based on my specific interests. Plenty of other places someone who isn’t into sports can meet someone- book clubs, trivia nights, etc. there’s meetup websites where people can search for groups with their own specific interests that are great too!
Minimal effort to talk or spend time together (ultimately got ghosted). If they want to spend time with you and they’re truly interested in you, they will. You shouldn’t have to wonder if they’re into you.
Don’t give up! Maybe take a break for a bit and regroup. I did that a few times and then when I went back on the apps I met my husband!
Your boyfriend is insecure and manipulative. Women are not attention seeking for going to the gym. You know this, come on now. Do you want to go to the gym to get male attention, or to take care of yourself? I know personally I go to better myself. And my fiance wants me to go because he also wants me to take care of myself, not because he’s worried about “losing the pussy”. When we first started dating he was excited that we had a common interest in the gym!
Please dump this jerk. That’s not a normal or acceptable reaction to a normal bodily function/accident. I’ve had intermittent spotting on my last birth control and sometimes it’ll stop then happen during sex. The first time there was blood on my fiancé’s sheets, he said it was no big deal and made sure I didn’t feel bad. That’s an appropriate response.
I think you know deep down what to do, you just don’t want to because you’re blinded by how much you care about him. I’ve been in your shoes. Let me tell you something I had to figure out for myself: no matter how much you love/care about him, you can’t change him. And he just doesn’t love/care about/respect you in the way you deserve.
I had my radius set to like 20 or 30 miles, and then I was scrolling on bumble at the airport (which is about an hour from me) not really thinking about the distance parameters. Ended up coming across my now fiancé. He lived an hour and 40 minutes from me. And he drove that entire distance to see me for our first date. So you never know! Longer distance could be worth it :)
Please don’t stay. Have some respect for yourself- he actively chose to cheat on you AND he impregnated his ex, meaning he wasn’t wearing protection. He risked giving you a STI. And he certainly wasn’t thinking about your or your relationship/future when he was having sex with his ex.
I don’t want to go as far as calling you an idiot if you stay, but I think it would be a really idiotic choice. Your husband has showed you three times now that he cares more about validation and attention from other women than your marriage. And he isn’t taking accountability for his actions- he tried to spin it on you by saying he felt like he couldn’t confide in you for emotional support. If he truly felt that way he should have talked to you, not looked elsewhere.
He was honest about the other girl and it sounds like his intentions were to define your relationship, especially since he expressed wanting exclusivity and he’s going to cancel the trip. I see this as a green flag!
Nope. That’s low effort on his end. Meeting in the middle would be more fair/better. My bf lives an hour and 40 minutes from me and he offered to drive all the way to me for our first date. I was blown away by the offer/effort. This guy is doing the opposite.
I had (1) successful match that led to dates on hinge (didn’t end up working out on my end). I was on hinge and the other dating apps for 7 months and went on dates with 3 different guys total in that time. I had better luck on bumble, and that’s where I met my now boyfriend.
OP some advice I wish I would have taken myself would be, leave. It's harsh, but 9/10 he's just going to do it again. He's working to win you back now, but then they just figure out how they can get away with it again. And in my case, it was easier for him because I would go through periods where I just wanted to be happy so I didn't look to see if he was still lying and going behind my back. And he was of course.
You got me right in the gut with the “it was easier for him because I would go through periods where I just wanted to b e happy so I didn’t look to see if he was still lying”. Spot on to how I felt with my ex.
I’ve been in your shoes. I was with my ex for almost 5 years, and he kept moving the goal post with the proposal too. Because he didn’t want to get married/commit, but he was comfortable/didn’t want to lose me. And he ended up cheating.
We broke up and are living separately now. Im just trying to get over him and move on but I know it’s going to be incredibly rough for a while….
Major credit to you for breaking it off, that takes SO much strength!
I know you don’t want to tell a friend or family member.l, but you really should. My ex cheated on me and I told my friends for the support but also so they could hold me accountable so I wouldn’t go back to him.
Your boyfriend raped you. I want you to really think about how he said “go back to sleep”. Don’t let him manipulate you into thinking he didn’t know what he was doing. He knew you were asleep and he proceeded to force himself on you. And continued to do so after you told him no. That. Is. Rape.
I think it really depends how well you communicate/where the maturity levels are. My brother and his wife are the same age gap (met when he was 28 and she was 21) and they’re perfect together! As with any new guy, keep an eye out for red flags. Otherwise, as long as you to see eye to eye on the important things and get along, why not?
Don’t give him any more time. Trust me, I was you. I waited and waited for my ex to be ready, and after almost a year he was. But throughout our entire (5 year)relationship, he could never be committed. Messaged other girls on instagram, Snapchat, and eventually cheated by sexting someone else.
I learned this the very hard way, OP. If he wanted to, he would. If he truly wanted to marry you, you wouldn’t even have to have a conversation about getting married or be “pushing”. It should be something you’re BOTH excited about. And he isn’t, clearly, since he won’t even talk to you about it.
I mean this in the nicest way, OP: find your self respect, go to therapy. Every single time you tell him you’re done if he behaves that same way and you take him back, you’re telling him his behavior is okay. You finally grew a tiny spine and ended it, but he tested you and you caved right back in. He’s treating you like crap, but you’re allowing him to do it. Every time you talk to him or allow him back into your life, you’re telling him it’s okay to treat you like this.
Take it from me (got cheated on a little over a year ago and stayed in communication much longer than I should have): cut communication with him. He just wants the validation. It’s going to hurt at first but you’ll feel so free and so much better once you separate yourself from him and give yourself space to heal!
I would move on. I wasted a few months on a guy like this and he ghosted. If someone genuinely likes you, they’re going to put in the effort to talk to you and want to be around you.
Break up with her. She was using you to make him jealous and she probably still was. She doesn’t respect you, which is clear by her attempts to cheat on you.
That was my ex. Never had a relationship, eventually dated me because I told him it was that or nothing, and guess what? After almost 5 years he wouldn’t commit to the next level/getting married and he cheated. I’m not saying this guy will cheat, but if he’s reluctant to get into a relationship and you want one (and want marriage someday), it’s a waste of time. Even if he commits to a relationship, he may never want to fully commit. I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time on someone who wasn’t ever fully committed to me.
Men know if they can marry a woman within months lmao, especially after living together?
Please heed this advice. Never settle for someone who isn’t on the same page as you!!